100 WC – the slime dripped through

My goal for this 100 WC is to make it creepy and leave you wanting more. I want to do this by using 2nd person (We did this, We did that) and making the reader wonder who is talking.

We watch as Ellie walks through the attic, her feet make the floorboards creak, and she jumps. It’s pitch black for her, she can’t see a thing. We laugh to ourselves silently. Her eyes are wide and she keeps looking straight at us, crouched on the floor but doesn’t see a thing. Nobody ever sees a thing. The slime drips through the ceiling. We hear the creature above start to move towards her. She screams and tries to run away towards the window. We can’t keep it in! We start laughing. The human pushes the window, with the last of her strength, but she can’t. Goodbye Ellie…

2 thoughts on “100 WC – the slime dripped through

  1. This certainly does leave me wanting more…..
    Will there be a next installment?
    The language you have used has created suspense and enabled me to imagine and visualise the scene.

  2. Brynn,
    this is indeed a truly creepy piece!
    I think the most creepy aspect about it is the way you have concentrated on ‘voice’. As a reader we are left confused as to who is the narrator.The final revelation seems to be that the observing narrator is not only ‘un-human’, but also gleefully observing this horrific encounter. Throughout most of the piece you are carefully choosing images and words that are disturbing and put us on edge-creak; jumps; eyes wide; slime drips. So when the you say “we start laughing’ and ‘goodbye Ellie’ so heartlessly it is quite a shock. The show-not-tell of the phrase, ‘the human pushes the window’ is an extremely chilling way to reveal your narrator.
    Looks like you could become quite the horror writer Brynn- well done!
    Ant

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